I have spent almost the entirety of my life, way before I became a coach, asking myself, “Who am I?”
Who am I to be a coach?
Who am I to teach others, to be a leader, to write a book, to marry a beautiful woman…
If I’m being honest, though, I was a lot meaner to myself then this. The voice in my head uttering these words to me, so often, was much more upset.
The question didn’t come out as “Who the Hell Are You?”
It came out as, “Who the F**K are YOU?!”
You see, I’ve had a secret fear that I’ve carried ever since I was a young boy. I always felt as though I was worthless. That I wasn’t worth a thing. Which has led me to constantly showing up trying to ‘prove’ myself, even as a coach.
It didn’t matter who ‘you’ were, I was constantly trying to attain ‘your’ approval.
I tried to dress the “right way.”.
I tried to say the “right things.”
And I did whatever it took, all just to prove myself to ‘you.’
It was absolutely painful.
Even worse, I rarely received the approval that I so desperately sought.
Funny, though. Even if I DID receive this approval, it always felt… wrong.
I was never being my true self.
SEAN KICKS MY BUTT
One day, I was with my friend Sean Stephenson. Sean and I were talking and I shared my “Who am I?” question with him.
Sean looked at me for just a second before asking, “Well, who ARE you?”
In my mind I felt like I had a lot of answers…
“I’m Rich Litvin.”
“I am a coach.”
“I am a successful….”
But I froze.
Sean had blown my mind.
Time stood still.
And I knew, I KNEW that THIS was my moment.
The insight came to me.
I had it in an instant.
Seriously, it was so easy. All I had to do was answer his question and claim “Who I am.”
But it wasn’t that easy.
In fact… it was terrifying.
I realized something during this instant.
The answer to this question wasn’t about proving myself.
The answer was about owning who I really am.
There’s no part of Sean that gave a damn about my answer. I knew that.
I also knew that I didn’t need to ‘prove’ myself to Sean, either.
What Sean did for me, though, was something that I didn’t see coming.
Sean made me realize that “Who am I?” wasn’t a rhetorical question. It only held power over me if I DIDN’T answer it.
SO IN THAT MOMENT – I WENT THERE WITH SEAN
This was a very edgy moment. I had to put my humility to the side.
I had to own my power, not hide from it.
So, I told Sean “who I am.”
No holding back.
And definitely no apologies.
I owned the powerful man that I am.
I owned the impact that I have made in the world, as a coach and otherwise.
And I owned the difference that I make.
After that, I paused.
I looked into Sean’s eyes, and do you know what I saw?
The bastard was sitting there, smiling at me.
And we both started laughing out loud.
AS A COACH, UPGRADE YOUR CLIENTS QUESTIONS
It’s funny… I truly thought that I understood the power of questions.
I mean, think about it. As a coach, it isn’t our mission to answer the questions our clients are asking. Instead, it’s our mission to help our clients upgrade the QUALITY of the questions that they’re living into.
I didn’t realize that it could be even more subtle than that.
“Who am I?” is a question that has honestly held me back for most of my life. It had me playing small instead of playing big. It had me looking for ‘heroes’ and it had me trying to ‘prove’ myself.
All it took was a tiny change in emphasis on the second word of the question: Who AM I? enabled me to answer that question for myself. For the first time, I was able to do so without seeking validation from elsewhere.
HAVING SELF-AWARENESS AS A COACH
The key to becoming better as a coach and to becoming better as a leader, is not in our training, our skills, or our education; rather, it’s in our self-awareness.
Our blind spots are what hold us back. It’s what we DON’T know as opposed to what we already know we need to improve on.
Many clients believe that they’re living in a world consisting of ‘hard edges.’ This is a world where SOME things are possible but other things are IMPOSSIBLE.
This is where we need to emphasize finding out what our blind spots are.
And the best way to get to these blind spots, as a coach, is with a powerful question.
UNDERSTANDING THESE BLIND SPOTS WITH TRANSITION EXCELLENCE
As a coach, when you’re willing to walk into the darkness with your clients, you’ll help them uncover their blind spots. Blind spots are one of the main things holding people back from what you REALLY want.
With Transition Excellence, we can help you learn how to uncover these blind spots. For you and for your clients.
We can help you understand that the impossible, in many instances, is actually possible.
And by doing this, we can help you reach the next stage in leadership that you’re looking for.
Along with client creation, Transition Excellence was designed exactly with this idea in mind. Whether you’re trying to become a coach or you’re looking to grow as an existing coach, we are here to help.
Transition Excellence is a self-paced program designed to be completed in 100 days. By signing up for Transition Excellence, you’ll gain access for 6 months to a series of videos I’ve created that break down my entire framework of becoming a coach and creating clients.
You’ll also gain access to a community of the most extraordinary people that you’ve ever met. People from all over the world, who have accomplished so many extraordinary things.
You’ll have weekly phone calls with myself or with various members of the TE faculty. No theory – only real-time coaching.
Transition Excellence is also an ICF accredited program for those of you who might be interested. You can learn more about the ICF by clicking here.
Joining Transition Excellence could be that first step towards eradicating your blind spots. Book a Call with a member of my admissions team to speak more about overcoming blind spots and joining the Transition Excellence community, today.
PS. I would like to invite you to take my Coaching Excellence Scorecard. This quiz is designed to score you on the 4 pillars of coaching excellence. There are no right or wrong answers, only areas for improvement. Which is where Transition Excellence comes in.